


place a wish on my calloused fingertip

by spinningincircles



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x18 Coda, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Evan Buckley Deserves Happiness, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, M/M, post 3x18, so does everyone on this show but especially buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinningincircles/pseuds/spinningincircles
Summary: This past year has been terrible. A certifiable dumpster fire. And yet, despite everything, Buck's here. Alive. Whole.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 235





	place a wish on my calloused fingertip

**Author's Note:**

> title from "built for this" by ben sollee

This past year has been terrible. A certifiable dumpster fire. The universe just kept dealing blows, not caring whether or not its last catastrophe had been fully cleared up. With every new, terrible thing that was sent his way, Buck was sure that it would be the one to ruin it all. Annihilate the life he had worked so hard to build so that he had no choice but to just scrap it, start over, and hope that next time, things would be better. That he wouldn’t rip through anyone’s life like a hurricane again, leaving nothing but devastation in his wake. 

And yet, despite everything, Buck’s here. Alive. Whole. Without pins in his leg, with his family, with a sense of lightness and clarity that he hasn’t felt in a long time. Not since he first left home, not since moving to LA, not since becoming a firefighter.

Not since Abby.

His last conversation with her was as hard as he had expected. He had pretty much already pinpointed when she decided she wasn’t coming back, but having it confirmed was still a punch in the gut. And to be told that she was afraid of losing herself if she came back to him? That no matter how much he had loved her, no matter how long he had waited for her, he still wasn’t enough? Yeah, that sucked.

But when he told her he was happy for her, when he told her she deserved it, he meant it. He didn’t think he would, but he did. And as he drove away from the park, he realized that maybe her not coming back was actually for the best. After she left, when he had reached his lowest point, turning into a ghost of the exuberant person he prided himself on being, he managed to pull himself out. He realized _this is not the kind of life I want to be living_ , and with the help of Maddie and Eddie and the rest of the 118, he began putting himself back together. He hit an unbelievable number of road bumps along the way, almost losing the people he loved the most, but that just made him fight harder to get them back. To show them that he wasn’t going anywhere. That he was worth sticking around for.

And they did.

They’re all still here, celebrating May’s graduation and the fact that they all survived another year, and Buck welcomes the gratitude and love that swells in his chest as he surveys the party. Maddie and Chimney are dancing, looking more in love with every passing minute. Hen and Karen are talking with Michael in the corner, each of them glowing with happiness. Bobby and Athena are wrapping May in her 4000th hug of the day, beaming with pride at the amazing woman their little girl has turned out to be. The boys are running around the backyard, Christopher’s peels of laughter echoing throughout the house.

And Eddie— Eddie is right next to him, like always. Sides pressed together, his arm around Buck’s waist, watching everyone with the same contended look Buck feels on his own face.

He can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him. Eddie turns to him as his shoulders start to shake, holding him a little tighter, thumb rubbing circles on his hip bone underneath his shirt.

“You had a little too much to drink there, huh Buckley?” he asks. He starts to laugh too as Buck leans into him more, still giggling. Eddie’s laugh is one of Buck’s favorite sounds, and hearing it simultaneously grounds him and fills his chest up with light again.

“No, I swear, just,” he wraps his arms around Eddie, pulling him in until they’re facing each other, taking a second to get lost in Eddie’s eyes, honey brown in the sunlight. “This year has really been shitshow. Like monumentally. Pretty sure we’ve been hit with five years worth of bad luck in a very short amount of time.”

Eddie scoffs, shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s for sure.” He reaches his hand up, tracing the faint scar still on Buck’s cheek from the tsunami. “I think we deserve at least two years of good juju to make up for it.”

“Agreed. But you know what?” Eddie hums, a soft smile on his face as Buck collects his thoughts. “I don’t think I’d want to change a minute of it.”

“Really? Not even having all the bones in your leg crushed?”

“Nope. Because if all the bad stuff hadn’t happened, the good stuff wouldn’t have been as good. Getting back to work, watching Maddie and Chim fall in love, Hen and Karen getting Nia. You deciding I was worth it. The fact that we got all that despite the bad stuff makes it all so much sweeter.”

Eddie’s smile goes a little sad as he cups Buck cheek, tracing his birthmark with something like reverence. “I didn’t decide that, Buck. You were already worth it. _Are_ worth it. Will _always_ be worth it.”

And what else can Buck do but kiss Eddie senseless after that? He’s not sure he fully agrees with him, but he thinks that he might one day. And if Eddie is the one pulling him along, reassuring him, reinforcing his love for him over and over, that day might come sooner rather than later.

So, yeah, this year sucked. He was wrecked, physically and emotionally, and he knows he’s a long way off from being whole again, and he might not even be the same whole he once was. But as he takes in the sight of his family, together and filled with so much joy he can practically see it floating in the air, as Eddie presses a kiss to his cheek and whispers, “I love you,” in his ear, he’s still grateful and happier than he thought he’d ever be. 

He doesn’t know what the next year will bring — could be better, could be a whole lot worse — but he knows that no matter what, he’s ready for it.

**Author's Note:**

> idk you guys i really just want buck to be happy, i don't think that's too much to ask??
> 
> also it's been less than 24 hours and i already miss this show so much, how am i gonna survive a 7 month hiatus???
> 
> pls come yell about these soft bois on [tumblr](https://tylerhunklin.tumblr.com/) with me so we can all try and survive this together


End file.
